How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
