i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So many bounce houses so little time
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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