so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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