I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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