i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
