his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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