You smell like stripper and shame
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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