Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
