I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
