if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
