i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
