Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
