her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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