There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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