i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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