i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Dear god my vagina.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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