i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
