i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
