I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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