my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
