Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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