Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
