God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
