We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
