Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
