just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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