I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Hippo gnu deer
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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