I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
