Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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