I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
