He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
