he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
