i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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