Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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