speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
