And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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