I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
