A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
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