my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
