considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
