i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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