chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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