I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
