4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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