Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
