i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
