ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
