I want to have your abortion
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
