just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
