You can't special order awesome
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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